When I set a goal, I let the world know. It’s accountability for me. I’m putting it out there but still wanting it to stay a secret as much as possible. I won’t be talking about this anywhere except my blog for a while.
I’m returning to the stage in the fall.
I thought I was done for good. But for the past few years, I’ve had a nagging feeling to return one more time and do things right.
Last time I competed was after my second child was born. It’s been almost eight years. (The photo above was when the Bikini division was brand new…October 2010.) I was completely consumed with all aspects of competing. It ruined my already-damaged relationship with food. It’s all I talked about with my husband and anyone else who would listen. I had to have the right suit, the perfect tan…looking back, it was just a completely selfish and toxic endeavor.
By the time competition rolled around, I was consuming about 900 calories and working out about two hours each day. Crazy, right? Sounds a bit like an eating disorder to me. And although it didn’t quite fit the eating disorder criteria, it definitely falls under the less severe category of “disordered eating”.
My weight fell below 120 by show day, which for a 5’7″ endomorph sounds a little crazy to me. (Although it could possibly drop that low again for this show – I don’t know where I’ll land and don’t really care as long as it’s done in a healthy way.
I don’t want to go out like that. I don’t want that to be what I have to live with the rest of my life.
I want to make it right. I need to prove to myself I can, and show those who follow me that it can be done in a healthy way.
Last Thursday, the idea to compete again popped in my head, seemingly out of nowhere. A weekend to compete this fall also popped in my head. Turns out I was 16 weeks out from that competition date, which is a standard amount of prep in the fitness world.
I’ve considered returning to the stage before and pushed it out of my mind for some reasons that I’ll discuss in a future blog. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.
When I was considering this, I decided to look up some suits and honed in on one almost immediately. It’s from my favorite suit designer and is reasonably priced. And it’s freaking GORGEOUS. 😍
I already know how to eat to lean out, and a lot of the unknowns for new competitors are not unknown to me since I’ve been in the industry for over a decade now (but only competed twice).
All that to say that I am older, wiser, armed with the knowledge of flexible dieting, and I feel capable of doing this in a healthy way.
So I’m going through the prep process without formally announcing it other than here. Keeping a low profile with it will help me keep it as a secondary priority behind the things that really matter – family, business, and nurturing my awesome community of women. 💚
So there. It’s out there. But if I start to feel it consuming me, I’ll pull the plug and that will be the end of it.
K, here goes nothing!